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Post by Kalliope on Feb 12, 2019 17:00:48 GMT
Hands,
hands,
hands.
Hands stained in blood, hands outstretched, hands grabbing everything they could. They were hungry, they were never satisfied. Kal could feel herself being dragged down into the darkness, her heart beating fast in fear.
L͝e̵t ͏g̡o̶! ̀Ḑo͏n̴'̧t ̢t̵a͝k͞e̶ ̷me ba̧ck ͟t͝he͢re!̵
The hands were hungry. They would never relent. She pulled away, and they pulled her back, a vice-like grip bruising and crushing, grabbing wherever they could. They crushed her limbs, tore at the tendons of her muscles. She was being torn apart.
As many hands dragged her away from the light, she saw a figure looking down at her. A shadow. A wide, sharp-toothed grin, poised for the kill. Hungry. Biting.
She was pulled down into a sea of red.
Loud, blaring noises rang in her mind. They screeched, they sang, they pierced through her brain like a shot to the head.
She was standing, shaky legs moving forward in spite of the noise. Makę ̡it s̢to̕p,͟ ̴m̀ake ̴i͡t͜ ̀s̕top! The mangled bodies of children painted the walls and the floors, loud noises went off like the wretched heartbeat of a terrible machine. The putrid smell of copper wafted through the air like death's fetid perfume.
Children cried and cried and cried.
She saw herself, then, on the other side of a dark hallway with mind-numbing red lights that hummed like the wings of an insect. The Other-Her gave an icy glare, a coldness that bit right through like those eyes could see into your very soul.
W̷h̴y ͘ar͘e̶ yo̸u ̢d͢oi͝n͟g t̴hįs?̡
Th͢i͝s p͜la͝c҉e ̀has c͢r͘e͝ated̡ t̕o̴o͝ ͢m̕a҉ny͢ ̕vi̧c̴ti̵m͝s̛. Is t̨ha͜t a r͟eas̸o͡n t̀o ͠s͢l͏ąųg҉hte͘r ̡ćo̵u̢n̴tl͡ess̢ ̀peop̵le?
I ̴didn'̡t́ ͜sĺau͝ghter͟ ͏t̨h̵em̡,
Y͔͖̒͂̋̒̾ͯ͟o̙͂ͣͣ́ûͫ ̬̭̥ͧd̙̗͉̪̱͓̏ͬ́̃ͯ͜i͆̃̎ͯ̉ͬ̎d̩̣̼͔̲̱͚ͨ̂̉ͤ͐.̟̭͉͛̐ͮ
No... I couldn't have. She's lying. She's lying. She's lying. L͟o͟ók ̨a̢t͏ what͜ ̕t͞ḩey'v̨e ma̢d͠e ͏you ͜d̶o,̕ S̛oile̕.͡ ̀Ẁe ̨can̵ he͢l͜p yo̶u,̸ bu̶t ͜you̢ n̴ęed͝ to͝ ͠c̕om̡e w͟i͠th ͘us.͢
That's not my name.
That's not my name.
That's not my name.
Kal looked down, and saw her hands were stained with blood. These weren't her hands. She didn't do this. SHE DIDN'T DO THIS.
Children cried and cried and cried. Their blood was on her hands. She didn't do this. Soile did this.
THAT'S NOT ME THAT'S NOT ME THAT'S NOT ME THAT'S NOT ME THAT'S NOT ME
The sounds grew louder. And louder. Until she couldn't even hear herself.
She screamed, hands covering her ears, the world shattering around her.
THAT'S NOT ME
THAT'S NOT ME
THAT'S NOT ME
THAT'S NOT ME
THAT'S NOT ME
"That's not--!"
Kal shot up, awoken with a terrified start, her heart beating like it'd burst right out of her chest. She choked out a sob, a hand going to cover her mouth in an attempt to suppress her crying. She was shaking like a leaf, and her head felt like it'd just been bashed in with a hammer. She knew this would happen. She knew this would happen. She didn't take her medication that night because she knew she needed to conserve what she had left, but she didn't think it was going to be this bad. This was a nightmare she had often enough, before she'd started taking plerinil valnidine. The red hallway. She didn't know what it meant, but she knew she was terrified of it.
Kal curled in on herself, arms wrapping around herself defensively as she cried. She wanted to know why she was plagued by these awful dreams and visions. She didn't want them. She'd do anything to forget what she's seen, what she's heard.
She sobbed, feeling alone, feeling lost and confused in the darkness.
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Post by Valo Morei on Feb 14, 2019 20:17:33 GMT
It was the rooftop of the academy. He sat there, reading a book of poetry. The door opened, and it was the first time he saw her. Short, raven-colored hair. A beautiful face that captivated him, hiding the demons within. They exchanged words, a mutual interest in poetry. They found a comfort with one another in that short period of time. He wanted to see her again.
It was the dead of night in the city. He remembered hearing strange voices. They beckoned him. They scared him. He made his way into the blackened parking complex, the voices seemed to surround him. He took careful steps, fearing for his life. That was where he found her again. She eased his fears temporarily, and he followed her out of the dark.
It was past midnight at the local fast food place. They shared french fries and ice cream. They befriended a stray cat. Their time together was just as nice as the first time. They soon got onto the bus, the time was agonizing as they knew they would have to part. He felt he didn't want to be apart from her.
It was the mall. Armed insurgents stormed the place and took hostages. They reunited, climbing out of each of their own personal hells. Death lurked at every corner, but together, they somehow made it out. She saw his demons unleashed first hand, but didn't turn her eyes away from him. He never forgot this, nor the life she took for his sake.
It was the mountains. It was the early morning, the sun hadn't yet fully risen. The snow fell gently at first. They were taking a leisurely stroll when they accidentally found themselves falling. It was then that desires were laid bare. Their moment was plagued by the incoming blizzard. They sought shelter in a rundown cabin. It had seen better days. He had the best day in a long time with her.
It was his apartment. She made her way over for breakfast, but gunfire cut her off. Desperately, the two sought a way out. They fled the open window, making their escape across the city. It ended with their parting. He didn't want to leave her.
It was months later. He brought her war to the forefront, bringing all attention to a public spectacle in order to get eyes off of her. They reunited in the chaos, and fled to a secure bunker to recover. They realized their love had blossomed over the months despite being apart. They locked eyes under the starlight, and could finally show each other how they felt. He had never been happier, now that he was with her.
It was the morning after. She woke up, and he made her pancakes. He had never seen her so happy. He wanted this moment to last forever, but she got a phone call. He watched her leave.
It was the morgue. He saw her dead body every time he closed his eyes.
He couldn't stop screaming.
Valo woke up with a start, having heard a voice. He was sweating, having the same nightmare he always had as he let his eyes get adjusted to the darkness. It took a moment for him to realize he was back in his room on Terra Novus, which meant that voice was...
"Kalliope?" Valo got up from the bed, turning to look at her as he spoke softly. He could see she was crying, and he was filled with immediate worry. He placed a hand on her shoulder before moving over to wrap his arms around her, pulling her gently into a hug. "Kalliope, what's wrong?"
He would ask, trying to push the night's visions out of his mind as he wanted to focus on her. It killed him to see her so torn up, and he had no idea what could be plaguing her. He knew her medication was running low, so she was taking it sparingly, but he couldn't help but wonder what exactly about that caused these night terrors of hers.
"I'm here, okay? I'm not going anywhere." He promised. |
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Post by Kalliope on Feb 15, 2019 15:11:54 GMT
Kal hadn’t realized Valo had awoken until he’d pulled her into a hug, and Kal flinched before hesitantly returning the embrace, holding onto him like she was afraid he’d vanish at any moment. She sobbed into his shoulder, desperate for any kind of comfort, still shaking like a scared child. “I-I’m— I…” she tried to speak, but she couldn’t formulate the words in her head. She felt like she needed to say something, she felt like she needed to vent, but the words couldn’t come out.
Images flashed in her mind. The faces of those children, their poor, bloodied faces staring up with wide eyes as their mangled bodies lie strewn along that dreaded hallway. All the noise, all the ringing and the explosions and the crying, chiming in her head like the clang of a loud bell. It didn’t make any sense— It never made any sense. She was horrified, her heart clenching in fear.
“F-Forgive me— I’m— I didn’t—” She sobbed, “I-I didn’t do it… Th-That’s not— I’m s-sorry…”
She wasn’t sure who she was apologizing to.
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Post by Valo Morei on Feb 18, 2019 4:13:10 GMT
Valo was surprised to see how tightly Kal held onto him, and his hand came up to hold her head gently as his fingers lightly gripped through her hair. His other hand came up as his thumb caressed her cheek and wiped her tears away. She was really shaken up, the panic she displayed reminiscent of his own night terrors. He had to wonder what had happened to give her these flashes.
"Hey, it's okay. Listen to the sound of my voice, Kalliope. You didn't do anything. You don't have to apologize. You're okay. You're safe. You're here with me, and I'm going to hold you and not let go."
His words were soft-spoken and gentle. They were among the first words to come to mind, as just seeing her in this state was enough to break his heart. He desperately wanted to make sure she was okay, to make sure she could get through this. He wasn't going to let her fight this alone.
"I'm here, baby. I promise. Take deep breaths, concentrate on the sound of my voice."
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Post by Kalliope on Feb 18, 2019 19:29:03 GMT
Valo's voice rang out amidst all the agonizing dissonance in her mind, but just barely. Kal could hardly see or hear anything going on outside of the visions in her head, clinging to whatever she could hear of his voice because it was the only familiar thing she could make sense of. While most of her senses were numbed, however, she could still feel. She could feel when he wiped her tears away, could feel him hold her, could feel his heartbeat.
When Valo told her to take deep breaths and to focus on the sound of her voice, she did. Kal slowed her breathing the best she could and strained to hear his voice amidst the scattered remains of her visual and auditory terrors.
The nightmare was over, but the images were still fresh in her mind, bleeding into her senses like a spreading virus. She tried her best to push them from her thoughts. She'd take the inky black nothingness of a void over scenes of murders she did not commit-- lives taken for a fruitless cause. She didn't take those lives. She wouldn't murder dozens of innocent people. She wouldn't do that. The bloodied faces of all those people, the guts on the wall, all felt so real, though. How could memories like these be false?I͢t ͘hu͏r͠ts, do̴es̀n'̵t̀ i̧t?͏ Kal's breath hitched.
I r͞eall͡y͞ h͡o͠pe͢ ͠i͏t ͞d͞oes. Her heartbeat sped up and she pushed herself away from Valo, frantic, panicked. "No..."
I ͠be͜t͟ ̸you'͝re ̷s̸ca͘r͘e̛d. She felt trapped in a hostile darkness again, severing the only tether to the waking world she'd had in that moment. She got up hurriedly, backing up until her back was against the wall before turning to face it, her forehead meeting the cool surface and her hands going up to cover her ears. Loud, sharp noises pierced through her brain like a knife. "S-Stop..." she whimpered, "Stop it, please..."
Do̢n̴'̧t w̨o̵ŗr͏y̷,̷ I ͡wa̡s ̴s̵cared͟,͞ t͞o͞o̵. She couldn't feel anything anymore. She needed to feel something.
B͞ut́ ̸I'͏m r̀e͜al͏, ͝yo̸ú'r͝e͏ not͜. This world was fake. She wouldn't be able to hear anything if this was real. This wasn't real. She was still stuck in a nightmare-- She had to be. Why else would she be able to hear things? She sunk down to the floor, arms going to curl around herself again as she cried. She couldn't feel anything, and yet everything hurt. Her head felt like it was being bashed in, her heart was filled with a painful sense of dread, her ears were being assaulted by an onslaught of a painful, hellish cacophony. Her eyes were shut, trying to banish the flashing images from her mind.
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Post by Valo Morei on Feb 19, 2019 20:44:29 GMT
Valo held onto Kalliope tightly yet carefully, and for a short period of time, it felt as though she were calming down. He could feel her get less panicky, feel her breathing slow as he himself attempted to just concentrate on the feel of her heartbeat against his chest. But it was short-lived, and she would push herself away.
"K-Kalliope?" Valo asked, concerned. She backed up against the wall, facing it as she clutched her head with her hands. She was telling something to stop, and Valo looked on in horror as she suffered before his very eyes. He looked frantically around the room, as if trying to find some kind of solution to make everything all better. His eyes fell on the orange bottle that held her medication, and he knew that while her medication was running dangerously low, it might've been better for her to take it than to go through whatever was plaguing her...
Damn it, what do I do...?"
He moved over next to Kalliope, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder as he looked at her.
"Kalliope, look at me. Look into my eyes." He said, knowing she used to tell him how calming it was to look into them. "I'm here. Hold onto me, I won't let you sink into this, alright? Concentrate on my eyes, on my voice, on your grip on me." He said, holding his other hand out towards her to take. He wasn't sure what to do, but he wanted to exhaust all options before resorting to her pills. He knew she was holding off for a reason, but... it hurt to see her like this. |
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Post by Kalliope on Feb 20, 2019 5:17:23 GMT
Kal would flinch again when Valo's hand went to touch her shoulder, and her head whipped around to face him, eyes clouded with sadness and fear. She hesitantly took the hand he offered to her, her grip tight but weak and shaking.
Touch.
She couldn't make out most of what he was saying, but she'd heard enough, and tried to cling onto his voice again. Any voice would be better than the one that tormented her.
It̨'̡s aĺl͟ ͜f͠akę. Hearing.
She desperately searched for the blues of his eyes, but struggled to break out of her visions. Her eyes... couldn't concentrate on the real. The images in her head were too vivid for her to see anything else. She lacked sight.
It̀'̕s ̸nót̛ re̴a͘l̀. ̡You'r͞e̢ ̨ǹot r͘eal̴.
Her other hand went to his shoulder, like he'd done to her, delicate fingers searching for purchase. "Valo," she breathed, "Please..."
Kal didn't know what she was begging for. She wanted relief from the pain, she wanted all those awful visions to stop, she wanted him near, she wanted to be held, she wanted to disappear, she wanted to run, she wanted to scream.
In her mind, the red was overwhelming. Red blood, red walls, flashing red lights. She was the witness to a terrible catastrophe. A great chaos. A massacre. She looked for the blue, desperate and panicked. Red is a natural color; red exists in everyone. It's the color of passion, the color of turmoil, and the color of war-- no wonder it exists within all people. It's an aggressive color, and Kal currently resided in a very violent, volatile environment.
Blue however, was a rare occurrence in the wild. Few plants and animals harbor the color blue. The water and the sky are both blue, making it the color of freedom and life. It was a silent, resilient color, which encouraged peace and introspection. If Kal could see the blue of Valo's eyes, she could yet break out of the prison she'd been thrust into.
Her hand trailed a path from his shoulder, up his neck, to gently cup his cheek. Maybe if she felt something more, it'd trigger sight-- No, that was a stupid idea. Her senses didn't overlap. Trying to regain one with the other would be futile.
But then, amid her hysteria, she heard a different voice...
You ̛ex͏is̛t͘, ̷K͞a͢l̛li͘o͢pȩ.̢ Ỳo͢u̵'̢re̕ ̛a͝l̸i͘ve. ̸Al̛w͘a̸y͞s r͏e͡m͢e͏m̛ber t̀h͝a͟t̢.
Kalliope was suddenly overwhelmed for a moment, stunned by a color shift from jarring red to blue before everything became clear.
Sight.
As quickly as her episode had begun, it had ended. She could see, she could hear, she could feel everything again. Her heartbeat slowed, her mind-- while still feeling like it'd been bashed in-- was clear. She was stunned at the beginning, but one look at her and Valo'd be able to see how her expression softened, her muscles relaxed, and her crying ceased, like being snapped out of a terrible trance and brought back to the light. Her breathing steadied, and she was okay.
Her hands-- still shaking from fear-- retreated only to wipe her own tears away and gaze at Valo with both relief and self-pity apparent in her eyes. She didn't say anything, but shrunk away, feeling raw and vulnerable from the episode and ashamed that Valo had to witness it all. She lowered her gaze, now unwilling to meet his eyes again.
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Post by Valo Morei on Feb 22, 2019 7:13:43 GMT
"Valo, please..."
Kalliope begged and pleaded, and Valo looked at her as he felt his heart shattering. She sounded so desperate and broken, she sought any sort of freedom from her torment, but Valo wasn't quite sure how to break what ailed her. But he couldn't give up on her, he wouldn't.
"Keep looking at my eyes, alright? Keep holding my hand. Don't let go. We're going to get through this together, Kalliope. Just keep looking at me."
He'd say, desperate to keep her with him. Gone was the optimistic, carefree and innocent woman who only wore a smile on her face. This was a side of Kalliope he wasn't used to seeing. One that seemed haunted by an entire lifetime of cruel agony, one that felt the weight of the world crashing down on her. It was almost like she was a different person. But it was still her. He knew this would pass. He had to believe it would.
The episode seemed to last an eternity, before... she suddenly calmed down. He saw her- felt her tension ease slowly. He wasn't sure if she had overcome it, or if it had just broken her to the point where she just gave in. But he saw her breathing steady, and soon her hands would retreat to start to wipe her tears away. However, the look in her eyes was painful to see. She seemed full of shame for her episode, but...
Valo moved forward and gently wrapped his arms around her, kissing her forehead as his arm held her close. His other hand came up to wipe away any potentially lingering tears, and he'd shut his eyes as he tried not to cry himself.
"Kalliope, it's okay... you're okay. I'm going to stay here with you no matter what, okay? I love you. God, I love you." He said. His voice was a little shaky, but he would do whatever it took to ease her pain and make her smile again.
It was everything. |
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Post by Kalliope on Feb 22, 2019 16:57:38 GMT
Kal didn’t know what she’d say, she didn’t know how to even begin to explain what her episode was, or why it happened, or what she saw. The images were so much more vivid this time. She was always curious about her memories and her past, but whatever this was, she wanted no part of it. She’d rather live an ignorant life than a horrific one.
Valo pulled her into a hug which she reluctantly returned, arms clinging to him again. She didn’t want to be touched or spoken to in that moment, really, but knowing that he cared so deeply about her and whatever she was going through warmed her heart. He was trying to comfort her, and in spite of her hurt and shame, she really appreciated it.
He was so tender, really, and it was times like these that Kal was grateful to have a boyfriend like him. He… really loved her, she realized. He wouldn’t have tried to help her if he didn’t.
“I love you, too…” she murmured, sniffling a bit. “I’m dreadfully sorry you had to…” she pulled away, waving her hand vaguely, “...witness such a pitiful display.” Her voice was soft, careful, worried. The weight of what she’d undergone in the past several moments was heavy in her eyes.
“Truthfully, I should have forewarned you that this might occur in such severity. I suppose I was just… foolish enough to believe it wouldn’t.” She gave a doleful sigh, standing up and bracing the wall as she quickly became dizzy. She hissed at the lingering pain in her head. It was a dull ache now, but it really stood to attest for the fatigue she felt. She moved to sit back at the foot of the bed, legs folded like a pretzel as she stared at the floor in void thought.
Kal truly resembled an empty husk in this state. Crestfallen and saturnine, she didn’t possess that vibrant light in her soul like she usually did. Her eyes were lifeless, skin sickly pale. It was as though the episode had drained her of all the sunny energy she typically possessed, leaving a dark, desolate silence in its wake.
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